New mind/ new beginning

  Amazing ways to turn failure into triumph!   As I stand in this pit of despair having fallen a long way, a few thoughts come to mind: ·         Everyone fails at some point. ·         Fail doesn’t mean the end. It means First Attempt. ·         Tesla.   Don’t Give Up Be More like Musk Elon Musk had the vision to develop the first all-electric car.   Starting with the roadster he had to overcome insurmountable hurdles.   Such as the company losing money, low sales, having to build their parts on-site rather than rely on suppliers.   Despite all the challenges, he found ways around them.     His approach was different from that of any other car maker (such as General Motors) build the car he envisaged first, then work on the problems as they arose.   There was always a lot of staff turnover from all levels in the compan...

Best Ways to Improve Shoulder Pain In middle aged people, the majority of shoulder pains are caused by tendons in the shoulder known as the rotator cuff.  Regardless of how old you are, management of shoulder pain is the same.  You might think rest is the best way to manage this pain, the opposite is true.  Joints like the shoulder are meant to move,  if you don't move the shoulder it will become more painful when you do want to move it.  1) Take pain relief as required. 2) Perform gentle shoulder exercises.  3) Stop if the pain worsens or gets no better after a few days and seek medical advice.  4) If you are unsure whether you should be performing any shoulder exercise, consult your doctor or qualified medical practitioner.  The Chartered Society of Physiotherapy has some useful exercise videos for shoulder pain.   Red flag:  Seek medical advice from your doctor if you notice any of the following symptoms: Swelling around the shoulder....

Do you ever worry? Does anxiety seem to hold you back? Well this article is here to help.  Now sit back and we'll get started with 5 things you can do take control back.  Our brains are wired to keep us safe.  Sometimes these mechanisms designed to keep us from harm when we were living in caves, fighting off wild animals can worry us for little reason.   When we start to worry about something our brain goes into what we call fight or flight mode.  In other words it prepares us to fight off an attacker or flee.  Whether there is a physical threat or an imagined one, the brain cannot tell the difference.  The brain diverts blood flow from non-essential organs to ones that will help while we prepare to flee.  So you might experience difficulty in thinking clearly and feeling nauseas.  20 Second breath hold When this happens we cannot think straight.  At this point holding your breath for 20 seconds can help to clear your mind.  Tr...

 Why do I always put others feelings first? What about me?  Half the time I think I am doing them a favour but they don't like.  I end up feeling upset with myself and the people I try to please aren't pleased anyway. So why do I always try to please them. What about me? If I start by trying to please myself first then at least one person is happy.  Like the type of music I play I love classical music when I need to relax my senses and get creative.  But I assume my passengers hate it.  I edit my playlist for them ahh Neil Diamond noooo! Move onto the Bee Gees, the Beatles or Rolling Stones.  Yes they'll like that I think.  But what if they don't?  What if they don't care. What then.  I am the unhappy one, yes me!  Don't I deserve to be happy just once?  My therapist said 'it is not your job to provide happiness for other people.' Only they can do that.  This thought really has hurt me but the worst thing is I can't stop p...

The pandemic has rocked and turned our world upside down.  During this time I have been working in different fields to gain a wide breadth of skills that I can offer employers and clients. That said I have started my business " Dream it to be it Copywriting and Content writing services"  My aim is to make the science behind some depression, anxiety and other conditions understandable and accessible to everyone regardless of their background.   Please take a look by going to  www.dreamittobeit.com Parts of my site are still under construction so I apologise for it not being completely polished.  I hope to be able to serve some of you there.  I will of course still keep this blog going.  So keep reading and commenting. Love to you all 

Today is your day!   Whatever you dream of, you can achieve it!   Just reach for it.  You will succeed more than you ever imagined.  Yes some doors will close but I guarantee others will open.   Don't compare Comparing ourselves to others always leads us to feelings of inadequacy.  This is your race.  The only one you are competing against is you.  Over the years I have learnt that my harshest critic is me.   I tend to hold myself back because I fear what others will think or say.   Experiment Thinking about my last blog, is it a burglar or a cat? (The battle within) My fears might not be realized.   What if everything goes right? What if I get that promotion?  Isn't it worth a gamble?  Well I think it is. In my post Jump before you are ready  I talk about the importance of investing in yourself. (Be it a little exercise or whatever)  Fear (anxiety) is ok unless it con...

What you will find in this article: The importance of categorising thoughts  (Is it a thought or emotion?)  Is it a burglar or simply a cat? Focusing inwards you may miss what is going on.  You are not alone.  A difficult day - a feeling followed by a negative thought.  It is not what happens to us that matters but how we deal with it.  My first thought was "I can't do this." "I am rubbish."   Then the feeling of butterflies in my stomach.  Normally I would rumourate, my thoughts and mood would deteriorate.   However this time after my CBT session I tried to slow my breathing, so held my breath for 20 seconds.  This redirected blood flow back to my brain so I could think clearly.   In fight or flight mode we are unable to think clearly as our blood supply to the brain is reduced.  It is re-directed towards the arms and legs, so we can get ready to fight or run.   Is it a thought?  Identifying if my...

Feeling the need to Justify myself Everyday I feel anxious about what others are thinking, what I am thinking and worry others can see what I am thinking  from my body language. To make myself feel less anxious I alter my behaviour, (e.g. don't make eye contact or talk too much)   In such situations I worry others are looking down on me.  I try to find a connection with the other person and try to justify why I am worth talking too and not abused anymore.  Does reduce my anxiety? No, I then worry I have said toi much, they think I am stupid etc.   The truth is I don't need to justify myself to anyone. We are all equal regardless of what material assets we have, where we live or our ethnic background etc. Above all else we are all human beings.  Stop Justifying Myself My therspist suggested that I am fight or flight mode.   One solution when anxious, hold my breath for 20 seconds. It will allow me to think more clearly and slow down my br...

Driving to work listening to Mozarts magic flute.  The queen of the night Aria.  The only difference was this is the Sussex Downs not Oxfordshire and I'm driving an 8 seater VW Transporter and not a classic mark II Jaguar.  Anyway that aside I felt very good, relaxed, poised, professional and ready to focus on a fantastic day  ahead

One of the hardest things in life is letting go. So many thoughts, feelings and expectations.  Even for a brief moment, your mind is telling you about a whole list of things you need to do.   Three times I tried to just be, but my mind kept knocking.   Guilty feelings appeared fueled by thoughts of, 'you should do this', 'you won't achieve your dreams if you do this', 'everyone will be upset with you if you don't do this now.'  Such a barrage of opinions, none of it true .   I will achieve, I will get to where I want to be.  Meditation or just being will help me achieve.    Using the insight timer app I was transported to a native american settlement  Amazing, free sleep, meditation app.   Result feeling good, clear head and feeling more positive.     I noticed I have been getting a lot of muscle pain recently due to chronic anxiety and stress. I knew I needed some time out.  Do what makes you happ...

Me:   It's all about you! You: What? Me:   Your life is all about you!   You:  Oh, ok.  What do you mean? Throughout life there are the should's and the wants.   If you are anything like me, there have been a lot of should's but very little thought given to the latter.  What do I want to do?  Other people have always given me their opinion, this has led me to a life of living for others.  Don't get me wrong sometimes we have to put other people first and certainly that is what I have done, but there must be space for you.  What do you want to do? rather than what would they like me to do?  Survival  - If I fit in with everyone, everyone will like me and they won't hurt me anymore.  This was a rule that helped me at some point, it has helped me survive but I no longer want to survive , I want to live .  Let's be honest my life has had some good times but I have never really lived it for me, always ...

Perfection the road to nowhere Are you a perfectionist? There is nothing wrong with seeking to improve yourself or your work, but when you seek perfection holds you back through fear that is when it becomes a problem.  I always try to be perfect or achieve my perception of perfect anyway.  The trouble with perfection, is it is a misguided idea that no one can achieve.  David Burns said 'look around, can you see anything that is completely perfect and does not need to be changed?  Thomas Aquinas told us to think of a perfect island.   In answer to both nothing is completely perfect.  You can always add an extra palm tree to an island. This brings to my mind the thought I have to be perfect.  Everyone has to like me. Everyone must think highly of me. I should be able to create the perfect situation/environment for everyone.  I am an absolute mess,  if I don't achieve all of these things then I have failed, I am useless and I am rubbish....

hat have I achieved? I often sit with my thoughts.  This can be an intensely emotional time but also one I enjoy.  I like spending time with me.  I struggle with other people.  Their thoughts and opinions. Sometimes just their presence scares me.  I always feel I am not enough as I am.   My 45-year-old self talking to my 15-year-old self The first thing I want to tell you is you are enough! You will see that you will achieve so much.  You are autistic and always have been and guess what that is ok. You are you and bring so much love to the lives of others.  You have a bunch of other neurodiversities (Dyspraxia, Tourettes etc) but they make you, you. Some people think you are weird but you are gorgeous and you have a heart as big as the ocean. Quoting your friend Anna.  Be kind to yourself.  You have been through so much. Psychologically and physically abused by your teachers and fellow pupils. Not to mention the times' people touche...

I'm so tired. I'm so tired. I can't carry on. The noise of my inner critic and the criticism from others is too much for me.  Add in the constant loss of earnings, the bank wanting money. Joel's brain tumour, my painful memories of being abused and the nursing council investigation it has laid me low.   On a positive side, I'm working as a minibus driver taking a disabled child to and from school and taking keyworkers to work.  It is less stressful and I am doing an important job.  Professor Peters* in the chimp paradox says this is my chimp as it is emotionally driven. My chimp has experienced a lot of trauma since I was a child.  So no wonder I have these strong emotions.   I need to nurture and manage my chimp.  One way to nurture the chimp is to exercise, this will help reduce the negative feelings.  Another way to nurture the chimp is to be kind to yourself. My counsellor reminded me that not everything that happened to me is my fau...

  Thoughts and feelings.  Feelings are extremely fickle.  One minute they are up and I feel ok, then the next moment they are down.  Why?  I am currently listening to “The Chimp Paradox” by Prof Steve Peters.  Often in neuropsychology, the brain is separated into the reptilian brain and the bird brain.  The reptilian including parts of the brain that do things without us even being conscious of it.   The bird however is part of the brain which requires some thought.  You will see in some books it is split into the lower and higher brain.    Enough with these explanations, Peter's point is the chimp acts without, evidence or reflective thought.  When we feel low but are not sure why this is often caused by the chimp.  You know someone is in chimp mode when they use words like a feel rather than I think.  Don’t get me wrong sometimes our emotions can alert...

Winning or losing it's all about perspective Are emotions stronger than logic? Robert Kiyasaki in his book Rich Dad's cashflow quadrant talks about how our emotions are often stronger than our logic.  Most of us know that we need to exercise but often don't do it because we don't feel like it.   A financial example is many advertisers will show a new product like a luxury car. Emotionally I want that car but logic says I know I can't afford it now.  So as if to anticipate this they say the magic words of reduced payments and words like 'luxury never became so affordable.' Also, you have already been sold the idea that you own the car. Where the mind goes the body follows also. (Roy H Williams ' Wizard of Ads') You get the idea.  At that point, our logic goes out of the window and we get into debt.  This shows our need for emotional intelligence and financial intelligence. It costs x,y,z but I don't need it, it is going to cost me a lot more by t...

Meltdowns verses a naughty child. A trip to Tesco's to buy an outfit for Halloween.  James suddenly didn't want us to pay for things he wanted to leave the store.  He threw himself on the floor when I stopped him from running. The security guard watched us with an air of suspicion.  Thoughts do I admit defeat, dump the shopping in the store and come back another time.  James still clinging onto the witched outfit.  No I went to the express checkout.  James followed me taking his coat off he screamed, everyone looked.  I announced sorry he has autism.  As we left the store refused to move. So I borrowed a basket as I thought I could carry him, his coat and the shopping.  As we walked through door still screaming he tried to grab my hair and ended up grabbing my mask and pulling it off my face. I dropped some of the shopping. The security guard concerned asked if I was ok and gave me my mask back.  I struggled to get James acro...

Do you jump before you are ready? You will never feel ready.  Life is about the experience, if we fear pursuing our dreams and do nothing,  we will never know what might have been. Doing nothing may feel safe but it prevents us from learning. Have no regrets.   If it is something that moves you to action you should go for it.   Feel the fear and do it anyway.   Look back on your life for what you did, not what you wish you had done.  A life of no regrets. I am not saying I have it all sewn up, but life is what you make it, most often I struggle to act. Do I get scared and think "what if it all goes wrong?" Yes.  Now I am not saying make uncalculated risks,  I am saying sometimes you have to take a risk in order to grow.  Sometimes that is when we do not feel ready.   Make a small investment in yourself today Invest in yourself today that might be exercise or learn a new skill, connect with someone.  Get out there...

We're both sitting in the living room with headphones on listening to music.  Trying to drown out the noise of our youngest son shouting the same thing over and over and over, while playing with his cars. Asking him to stop he just shouts louder and says no.    We've been to Portsmouth today he wanted to walk a particular way and did not want to go to the toilet, so started screaming and throwing himself on the floor.  People looking on assuming we are bad parents.  As I pick him up his feet swing wildly striking me in the shins while he puts his whole body weight down through his legs causing me to need to waddle. The screaming continues as we head into the toilets. To the naked eye you would think this is just a normal childhood tantrum. However this child is wearing a sunflower lanyard. This indicates that he has a hidden disability.  Yes James is verbal but he has autism, social and communication delay.  Mentally he is a 2 year old who struggles ma...

What an amazing lady.  An ex-colleague once commented fighting fire with fire was the way to deal with some people. Looking back, I have only found this approach to make a situation far worse. It is like adding fuel to a fire making it even bigger and causing problems you may not have had before speaking.  That is not to say we should always keep silent when being oppressed or when witnessing prejudice for example.    So many times you look back at a difficult situation and think, I wish I had said this or that!   If you are anything like me,  I often feel guilt for whatever my response is. I feel that I am somehow expected to respond in a particular way, make myself look tough for example. Reflection often helps me to see that often times I responded as I should have. I responded as me, for I cannot be someone else. One final thought.   It is good to celebrate the life of inspirational people but make sure you do not use it ...